WRITINGAS5PECTATORSPORT

Alex Ramirez

This essay on the novel, Push, has a good prewrite. It is simple and it has the three paragraph components that is standard in every essay. I suggest you should start to include your thesis in your prewrite or make it more prominent in your first paragraph. I like that your prewrite is short, because you literally need all the time you can get when your going against the clock in an AP test setting. Comparing this essay to mine, I think that she has done a better job at not focusing too much time on the prewrite, and really doing a good job at summarizing the novel.

Jessica Rothanzi

This essay on the novel, The Kite Runner, has a simple prewrite. It does a good job at following a train of thought through a paragraph. I suggest that you include your thesis in your prewrite. I also think that the thesis is well placed in the first paragraph, yet I also suggest that you develop the thesis further by telling us how the main character’s bitterness helps develop the theme of the novel. I think that you should start doing these things while at the same time stop using the word, “because” to begin each paragraph. Comparing Jessica’s essay to mine I think that she does a good job at providing a short summary in the first paragraph, while not entirely summarizing the entire plot of it. By simply explaining the cause of the main character’s bitterness, while at the same time providing a short summary of the plot I think that this essay has killed two birds with one stone. This and the fact that her thesis is well established makes me think that I should do a better job at making my thesis clearly prominent in my first paragraph.

Will Bourger

This essay on the play, Hamlet, has a simple prewrite, and it clearly has the thesis within the prewrite. Good Job. I suggest you continue this writing technique and also continue doing a great job at clearly establishing your thesis in the first paragraph. This is a solid first few paragraphs that you have here. Comparing Will’s essay to mine, I think he does a great job at answering the essay prompt, unlike my essay, and he includes a lot of literary analysis in his paragraphs which greatly magnifies the enjoyment and level of comprehension which I get when I read it.

Bernarado Gonzalez

This essay on the novel, Great Expectations, has a nice prewrite. I like that the thesis is at the beginning of the first paragraph, rather then at the end. While I like his new twist to the traditional first paragraph, it  also bothers me, a little bit. It sort of allows me to see what the essay is going to be about before I even begin to contemplate rather I should read it, while it doesn’t give me any initiative to begin reading it. So it is sort of like taking one step forward and two steps backwards. I suggest you start  placing the thesis at the end of the first paragraph. I also suggest that you connect the main character’s feelings of bitterness to how it helps develop the theme of the story. Comparing Bernardo’s essay to mine I think that he is on a good track with his first paragraph but it still needs to be a paragraph that helps serve as a map, with all the components that a map has, not just information about the town, but rather I need a guide that helps me get to where I need to go as the reader of this essay.

Iliana Gutierrez

This essay on the novel, Great Expectations, has a great prewrite. Most importantly I like that the prewrite includes, the Thesis, your prewrite is one of the most detailed that I have seen so far, I don’t know whether it was because you had a lot of time to work on it, being that you did not write the essay or whether it is because you are really good at working on prewrites. Yet what the prewrite has is basically what is needed in an essay, you have the three main paragraphs and you have the main ideas of each paragraph listed in your prewrite. Good job. I suggest that you continue writing such detailed prewrites, but I also suggest that you balance the time it takes you to write such detailed prewrites with the time that you will need to actually write your essay. Comparing Illiana’s essay with my essay, I think that we both place the same amount of heavy emphasis on our prewrites, and making sure that we clearly state our thesis on our prewrites and on our essays. I am disappointed that I did not get to read this essay but at the same time I like that she authoritatively told me she wasn’t going to write it rather then just not tell me she wasn’t going to write it, and leave me scrambling on the floor trying to find my glass eye.

Jon Han

This essay on the novel, Huckleberry Fin, has a decent prewrite. I like that it is simple and that the main ideas of the essay are listed in the prewrite. I suggest that you clearly state your thesis in your prewrite and in your first paragraph. I also suggest that you continue writing such simple and well explained sentences. Comparing Jon’s essay to my essay, I think that I do a better job at writing a detailed prewrite, yet he does a better job then me at making his essays easier to understand.

Elizabeth Hotchkiss

This essay on the novel, Never Let Me Go, I like that you clearly state your thesis in the first paragraph, and that you provide a connections between the emotional state of the main character to the development of the theme of the novel. I suggest you continue clearly stating your thesis in the first paragraph, and writing about the emotional state of the main character in the relation to the theme of the novel. Comparing Elizabeth’s essay to my essay I think that she does a better job at connecting her essay to her thesis.